Have you ever felt discouraged, alone, listless? Parenting a loved one with ASD can be like arguing with reality. It’s a mix of emotions: the why me’s, the sleeplessness, the need for breaks, the elation at steps forward, devastation at steps backward, and even encouragement of like-minded parents. I have felt all of it within the depths of my soul, and have frequently been dispirited. Like you, I crave inspiration and validation. I crave joy to break through stress.
One day I was scrolling through social media, and feeling guilty for doing so instead of tackling my totally overwhelming to-do list, when I discovered this quote: “You’ll be OK; you’ve already survived 100% of the troubles you’ve faced.”
Yes, I thought as I felt my breath drawing in and my posture gently realigning, I really HAVE survived 100% of the troubles I’ve seen!
100% of meltdowns, 100% of IEP meetings, 100% of discussions, some fraught, with my spouse, therapists, well-meaning relatives, friends, lawyers, etc. I was so very boosted by this one quote, and I hope you are, too. It helped give me the hope I needed to cope with my family, my life, and my responsibilities with a good measure of joy.
JOY
JOY: There is Just One You --- is one way I support the people I coach. What if you could refill your cup when it is empty in order to be ready to pour again for loved ones?
Listening to your own needs and treating yourself to self-love means you can embrace JOY. I invite you to let me JOYn you on your journey!
Despite the challenges of caring for someone on the spectrum, there is so much joy, too! I found that when I was overwhelmed, the joys were present but obscured from my view. I never lost hope, but had to find good ways to cope with challenges to reawaken joy.
First, I had to have hope, not give up hope. I found hope by looking at everything my son had already accomplished. He is an inspiration.
Next, I had to devise ways to cope with the challenging situation of raising my son, who is diagnosed on the autism spectrum (ASD-autism spectrum disorder). He is a person with gifts, deficits, and enormous potential. He also has developmentally debilitating ASD, which is a partly invisible disability; people who talk to him often find him sociable, articulate, quirky and technical. Once they get to know my son, they see that he is intense, but they may notice a lack of reciprocity in his conversation style, and his rigid thinking, wanting to talk only about his preferred topics.
In Reality...
In reality, my son is a paradox. He is great with computers, but struggles with math. He presents as happy and sociable, but suffers from depression and loneliness. He has a support team made up of doctors, nurse practitioners, educators, speech pathologists, occupational and physical therapists, and assistants who collaborate to monitor his progress and help me and my husband get a measure of daily peace of mind. To cope with after-hours stress, I found ways to give myself rest, respite, and perspective so I could do it all again the following day.
The Toolbox
Through joy coaching, I will offer you a toolbox in this 8-part series. You can use it to restore hope and begin to cope with ease and joy. I invite you to keep up your spirits with joy and a positive outlook. I cope by reminding myself that certain things cannot go on forever; that parts of myself are not forever lost, never to be found again; and that my son has issues that have to be confronted and dealt with one at a time. My husband and I are experts on him; the team is there to support him; and as a village, we can collaborate to make progress. It doesn’t matter how slow the progress is; even steps forward and steps backward, in balance, indicate that we are on a path. Sometimes just showing up in difficult circumstances is enough.
What brings you joy? What has brought you joy in the past that you would like to recapture?
I invite you to respond if you would like to schedule a strategy call. We can discuss your goals together. I could JOYn you on your path to ease in parenting. JOY: Just One You.