Welcome to today's episode of Hi & Stuff. The piece I’m reading is called sMothering, and Sonny and I will be discussing issues with belonging and not belonging. With autism, caregivers get a lot of stress and so much to cope with. Hi and Stuff is here to help caregivers understand the autism spectrum and how to stop to rest and care for themselves, too. Put the “pause” in mom-opause!
Caregivers get so overwhelmed caring for others that we tend to forget to take care of ourselves. I’ve faced challenges and setbacks. Won’t you join me on my mom-opause journey? Your midlife process may be similar to mine.
I’m a non-traditional (older) full-time doctoral student at Binghamton working on my memoir. I read some of my writing aloud on every episode of the podcast. To join me on my mom-opause journey, please see below:
Instagram: @hi.and.stuff.podcast
Facebook: Hi & Stuff Podcast
Caring for caregivers and the concept of J.O.Y. just one you
Audio note: Greetings, dear listeners! We sincerely appreciate your support as we embark on this podcasting journey. We want to make you aware that our audio quality is still undergoing some fine-tuning at this early stage. Please bear with us in this episode as we work diligently to rectify these issues and deliver an exceptional listening experience in our upcoming episodes. Your patience and understanding are truly valued. Thank you for joining us on this adventure!
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Hello and welcome to Hi And Stuff.
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Nicoletta: A brand new podcast about parenting, autism and caring for caregivers.
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Nicoletta: I'm your host, Nicoletta LaMarca
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Nicoletta: Sacco. I'm a writer, daughter, wife and over 50 mom in a midlife process.
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Nicoletta: I'm on my mama Paul's journey, won't you join me?
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Nicoletta: I hope you enjoy listening to high end stuff. Disclaimer.
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Nicoletta: This podcast
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Nicoletta: addresses adult issues and adult topics. Over 50 mental and behavioral health.
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Nicoletta: My mama
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Nicoletta: pauses Mair
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Nicoletta: where I talk about everything, issues of autism, learning differences,
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Nicoletta: neurodiversity, sex drugs, rock and roll, belonging misfits,
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Nicoletta: smart asses and the moms like me who love them.
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Nicoletta: It is not suitable for all listeners listeners. Please use your discretion.
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Nicoletta: I recently wrote an erasure poem.
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Nicoletta: It's an altered version of care notes on Sonny's very frustrating journey,
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Nicoletta: moving from one treatment center to another as he was
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Nicoletta: misdiagnosed and mischaracterized with a variety of behavioral health issues.
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Nicoletta: He moved four times in less than a year.
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Nicoletta: I took a break from my doctoral studies and made 75
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Nicoletta: pages of notes and taught myself a lot of psychiatric jargon.
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Nicoletta: It turns out parenting, an adult with autism is
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Nicoletta: well harder than it seems at the surface level.
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Nicoletta: Here's smothering
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Nicoletta: a poem with erasure of certain parts of my notes from that time,
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Nicoletta: we also felt personally erased
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Nicoletta: and we're still taking, needed time to process our grief from what happened.
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Nicoletta: Smothering sunny
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Nicoletta: Sonny is slowly coming out of it.
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Nicoletta: A two month psychotic episode frantic with a hollow gonging refrain,
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Nicoletta: mourning the hurt. I feel nothing more I can do. He is still not ok.
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Nicoletta: He would like escape degree.
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Nicoletta: Just a piece of paper, online coding, revising novel using A I
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Nicoletta: porn vaping THC
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Nicoletta: oh mom dismisses
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Nicoletta: too many hats. Smothered.
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Nicoletta: I lost Sonny to his cocktail.
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Nicoletta: Haldol Abilify Depakote,
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Nicoletta: Cogentin
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Nicoletta: too many hats.
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Nicoletta: Adderall serotonin, Wellbutrin,
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Nicoletta: QUEtiapine
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Nicoletta: Eslam A K A Lexapro
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Nicoletta: going back to normal would be nice.
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Nicoletta: Unjust ISP meetings lists a part of my week. I wish I could help.
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Nicoletta: Sonny will. Behavioral supports.
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Nicoletta: No solution. Too many hats. I smother him.
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Nicoletta: Year hell brain MRI
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Nicoletta: doctor's cocktail claims this injury is due to
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Nicoletta: cannabis use disorder. What the hell is that short staffed? We are short staffed.
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Nicoletta: Two parents managing just the two of us alone lives, work friends.
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Nicoletta: I am smothered.
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Nicoletta: I lost Sonny to his cocktail. Haldol,
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Nicoletta: Abilify, Depakote, Cogentin Adderall serotonin, Wellbutrin,
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Nicoletta: QUEtiapine Eslam
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Nicoletta: A K A
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Nicoletta: Lexapro
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Nicoletta: culprits for the brain atrophy doctor wouldn't admit she was wrong.
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Nicoletta: Going back to normal would be nice.
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Nicoletta: Excruciating, wait, undisclosed manic episodes. Psychosis broke me too angry.
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Nicoletta: Mom.
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Nicoletta: That's not all I am
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Nicoletta: the right place. For him.
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Nicoletta: Support coordinator suggests discussing further look all over help.
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Nicoletta: Months, admits
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Nicoletta: needs to be saved from himself. A SD treatment resistant insomnia, non
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Nicoletta: compliant A DH D impulsivity,
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Nicoletta: intrusive thoughts, bipolar impression, not diagnosis, not
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Nicoletta: his fault,
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Nicoletta: not mine.
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Nicoletta: He isn't stupid.
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Nicoletta: DDD under no obligation to provide assistance, manage everything,
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Nicoletta: comorbidities, overlapping services, gray area pain, splintered profile.
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Nicoletta: Call this
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Nicoletta: progress 100 fucking miles away.
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Nicoletta: In reality
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Nicoletta: he isn't
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Nicoletta: basic support.
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Nicoletta: Months of grief. It's been my understanding. Patronizing euphemisms
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Nicoletta: going back to normal would be nice.
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Nicoletta: Email, apologizing, profusely falling short as I do every day. It's inhuman.
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Nicoletta: I'm afraid we challenging needs deregulating,
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Nicoletta: decompensating suitable staff apologize,
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Nicoletta: bullshit, panic attack, pull over while driving life, defined confusion,
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Nicoletta: misunderstanding.
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Nicoletta: Wish you much luck. Oh for Pete's sake, may as well say go fuck yourselves, neuro
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Nicoletta: diverse world of ID D
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Nicoletta: pretend no co occurrences with behavioral mental health.
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Nicoletta: My parents are sick in bed with COVID.
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Nicoletta: What the hell is next? Smothered.
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Nicoletta: I lost Sonny to his cocktail.
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Nicoletta: Haldol, Abilify Depakote, Cogentin, Adderall, serotonin, Wellbutrin,
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Nicoletta: QUEtiapine
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Nicoletta: Eslam
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Nicoletta: A K A
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Nicoletta: Lexapro
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Nicoletta: going back to normal.
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Nicoletta: I would like to stop, stop the stop, stop the stop, stop the stop the smothering
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Nicoletta: ...
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Nicoletta: Hi and Stuff
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Nicoletta: we're going to discuss some social skills, boundaries
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Nicoletta: and stereotypes about being alone and a sense
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Nicoletta: of loneliness and belonging or not belonging.
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Nicoletta: So tell me about
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Nicoletta: the
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Nicoletta: Schrodinger's paradox.
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Nicoletta: The cat may be dead
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Nicoletta: but may be alive
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Nicoletta: and we don't know till we open the box.
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Nicoletta: So what I'm asking you today is how do you feel when you're alone?
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Nicoletta: And when do you feel lonely?
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Felice: Well,
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Felice: I feel lonely when I wanna be around other people specifically
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Felice: around people that I want to be friends with or date.
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Felice: But
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Felice: I also feel
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Felice: not lonely. I feel very connected when I'm just alone and talking to people online.
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Nicoletta: Ok. So, online, what are some of the topics because we know that you hate small talk?
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Felice: Yes.
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Nicoletta: So, uh what are some of the topics um
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Nicoletta: that the online forums address?
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Felice: Well, they talk about common interests and I go to forums about
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Felice: computers, solving problems, programming or
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Felice: the furry community, which is just a hobby that I really enjoy being in.
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Felice: It's a community of very nice, like minded people.
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Felice: We play games together, we occasionally go bowling,
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Felice: it's fun.
Nicoletta: So, tell us about the furry
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Nicoletta: community because what's interesting to me about that is having been to a con
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Nicoletta: where
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Nicoletta: fursonas are on full display but personal identity is not,
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Felice: right? That's a little schrodinger
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Nicoletta: too because a person is present and whilst they're not present
Felice: well
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Felice: they're playing a character that they feel creatively expresses themselves and,
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Felice: and it's just a boatload of fun,
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Nicoletta: right?
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Nicoletta: But if they have a full on character, like a mascot and they have like a mask that,
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Nicoletta: that covers their whole head, like a helmet,
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Nicoletta: their identity doesn't ever have to be known
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Nicoletta: publicly at all. So that's part of schrodinger too.
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Nicoletta: Being in a crowd and still being anonymous
Felice: somewhat. Yeah, you can,
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Felice: it, it, it, it emerged as part of a
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Felice: somewhat queer culture
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Felice: where
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Felice: you didn't necessarily have to
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Felice: um make yourself known in order to find community. The community was there.
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Felice: All you had to do was find it and people did find it
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Felice: before algorithms took over everyone's lives.
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Felice: This these websites of people of communities where
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Felice: people would talk about themselves and their lives
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Felice: somewhat anonymously
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Felice: would
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Felice: exist
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Felice: and people would make themselves welcome.
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Nicoletta: So
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Nicoletta: when you,
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Nicoletta: so when you attend a con, right,
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Nicoletta: you'll see people that are fully embracing their fursona.
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Nicoletta: It is part of queer culture which we
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Nicoletta: know in the mainstream can sometimes be problematic,
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Nicoletta: which is unfortunate but
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Nicoletta: it's people's attitudes and I think we covered that in the first episode,
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Nicoletta: but we could talk about it for every episode.
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Nicoletta: It's such a terrible
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Both: broad topic. Yeah.
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Nicoletta: Um
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Nicoletta: So
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Nicoletta: for listeners that don't know what fur
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Nicoletta: sona and furries is, can you give
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Felice: a
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Felice: furry is a fan of anthropomorphic animals. Anthropomorphism is
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Felice: a fancy way of saying an animal with
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Felice: human characteristics, like standing up on two legs and having a post,
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Felice: thumbs and wearing clothes and talking on iphones.
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Nicoletta: So an example for just anyone listening would be a mascot,
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Nicoletta: yeah
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Felice: a mascot costume for a sports team as baseball team
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Felice: like the new school Narwhals. Nicoletta: Uh huh.
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Nicoletta: So, um, at
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Nicoletta: the cons were there are people that embrace a persona that's similar
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Nicoletta: to a mascot or even is a mascot that represents their favorite sports team.
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Felice: Not necessarily, it's more creative than that because it's all individualized.
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Felice: These are all characters that were created by the fans,
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Felice: not fans of a television show.
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Felice: There is no set canon
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Felice: just like how there is a set canon for something
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Felice: like Star Trek And there is a fandom around Star Trek
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Felice: and conventions around Star Trek and all of the different shows
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Felice: and interpretations of books and art and media around Star Trek.
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Felice: Furries are much more decentralized and don't have
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Felice: a set canon. It's all about anthropomorphism in general, not
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Felice: necessarily about a specific artist or specific set of media.
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Felice: Disney is a huge influence. DreamWorks is a huge influence, but they are not
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Felice: purely what the conventions are about. It's not purely what the medium is about.
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Felice: It's all based on the individual artists and groups of artists,
Nicoletta: right?
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Nicoletta: So I remember going to the artist's alley and noticing that, you know,
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Nicoletta: you can really commission anything you want, for example,
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Nicoletta: something simple like a walking wolf or a walking hawk or you mentioned Narwhal,
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Nicoletta: it could be
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Nicoletta: uh elements of the unicorn or
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Nicoletta: Narwhal
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Nicoletta: horn,
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Nicoletta: but with
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Nicoletta: a
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Nicoletta: uh you know,
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Nicoletta: a fish as the main creature that is anthropomorphic or even some other
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Nicoletta: creature that doesn't have a horn at all like a wolf
Felice: right?
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Felice: Or a Dutch angel dragon or whatever, a
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Felice: Sergal with a horn on it. Or
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Felice: a wolf with a horn on it. So we can imagine anything.
Nicoletta: Is there
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Nicoletta: a, an influence from video games?
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Nicoletta: Like where do people get a, their idea of their fursona and b even access to the group
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Nicoletta: uh of anthropomorphic uh persons in, in queer culture? It's
Felice: all imagination and
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Felice: the groups are everywhere on websites and platforms like Deviant
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Felice: Art
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Felice: Amico and
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Felice: uh FurAffinity and e621 being an archive of everything that's on. For Affinity
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Felice: for Affinity is a, is the old, the OG, the
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Felice: amazing old
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Felice: uh venerable website
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Felice: that has existed for longer than I've been alive.
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Nicoletta: Yeah,
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Nicoletta: I know that there's a lot of graphic novel uh writing
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Nicoletta: around this topic as well because in the artist's alley,
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Nicoletta: I did see some examples of those uh of those books.
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Nicoletta: Um And it just seems like an amazing creative force. So in,
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Nicoletta: in person.
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Nicoletta: So the, the Schrodinger's paradox piece is that in person when you go to a con
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Nicoletta: nine times out of 10, you'll see someone in their costume all the time.
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Nicoletta: Only at certain times,
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Nicoletta: like in Disco Night or some of the entertainment uh venues at night
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Nicoletta: will people actually decide to disclose their identity?
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Nicoletta: But there are people that don't disclose their identity. I think that
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Nicoletta: it's smart in today's society where there's a lot of homophobia. Uh
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Nicoletta: If the majority of furries are queer,
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Nicoletta: then they certainly can be free to be in
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Nicoletta: a group with each other and also possibly more free
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Nicoletta: to not
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Nicoletta: come out of the closet, so to speak, right in public with everyone around.
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Felice: Well, think of it this way online, someone can be a
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Felice: gay queer or trans
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Felice: transgender person
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Felice: online and have a presence and
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Felice: potentially develop friends or a following
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Felice: and simultaneously be in a horrific environment
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Felice: that does not value them being alive.
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Nicoletta: Mhm.
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Nicoletta: So you're saying when someone's an adult and
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Nicoletta: they live with their family and they're homophobic,
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Nicoletta: they have an outlet that's creative and safe in the
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Nicoletta: community online whereas they remain closeted in real life.
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Felice: Yes [They Can].
Nicoletta: So that's really sad. Felice: It is. But that's not the majority of furry situations.
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It's,
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it's a majority of minorities. Nicoletta: Right?
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Nicoletta: Gotcha. Ok.
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Felice: So there's all sorts of different people that are available on the Furry community.
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Felice: They are
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Felice: coming from all walks of life, all different backgrounds, all different,
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Felice: different cultures. It's an amazing melting pot.
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Nicoletta: Yeah. It makes me think of, uh, the scene at the end of, um,
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Nicoletta: the bird cage where, uh,
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Nicoletta: Gene Hackman's character is a fuddy duddy conservative senator,
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Nicoletta: but then he escapes the view of the paparazzi by
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Nicoletta: allowing Nathan Lane's character to dress him up in drag
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Nicoletta: and he, uh, sachets
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Nicoletta: through the music and
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Nicoletta: the pulsing.
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Nicoletta: Yeah. The pulsing group,
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Nicoletta: uh, and makes it outside fine, which is very, just such an ironic twist.
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Nicoletta: So,
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Nicoletta: um I did want to go ahead and address um the paradox of being
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Nicoletta: alone and feeling lonely and wishing you
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Nicoletta: weren't alone versus being alone in comfort,
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Nicoletta: knowing your environment is under your control
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Nicoletta: and then being fine with it.
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Nicoletta: So sometimes when people are alone, they're fine with that, they don't feel lonely.
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Nicoletta: But sometimes the paradox comes through where you're alone
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Nicoletta: and you wish you could be with other people.
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Nicoletta: So can you give me some other examples besides the furry community,
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Nicoletta: whether online or in person,
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Nicoletta: something other than furries that you pursue that
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Nicoletta: makes you feel comfortable being alone or anything that
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Nicoletta: makes you uncomfortable being alone.
Felice: Sometimes I'm comfortable being alone
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Felice: because I'm just playing games online with friends that I've made online.
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Felice: Uh Other times,
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Felice: I feel alone with my own thoughts when I'm alone
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Felice: with my own thoughts or doing a chore like laundry
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Felice: and I don't have a podcast playing to fill in the void
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Felice: or I'm just
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Felice: alone with my thoughts because I'm
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Felice: having a night of insomnia.
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Nicoletta: Hm. That must be so difficult.
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Nicoletta: I actually addressed that in my smothering poem,
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Nicoletta: but not enough because I know that both you and I have struggled with insomnia.
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Nicoletta: Tell me a little bit about your coping
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Nicoletta: system for insomnia.
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Felice: I
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Felice: take cannabis to sleep
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Felice: to,
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Felice: I take cannabis to cope with my insomnia.
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Felice: It makes me sleep a lot better.
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Felice: And I specifically use Delta eight
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Felice: variants of cannabis, which isn't as strong psych actively.
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Felice: So it's a lot safer to use for that purpose.
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Nicoletta: So, would you be opposed since you were diagnosed with cannabis use disorder?
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Felice: Which is another way of saying a pothead?
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Nicoletta: Right.
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Nicoletta: So, since you were diagnosed with that, um,
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Nicoletta: would you be open to having,
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Nicoletta: uh, a practitioner prescribe cannabis for sleep?
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Felice: I am not entirely certain that I would prefer that
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Felice: I would rather get it out of dispensary at my own leisure.
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Nicoletta: Well, so the next question is that,
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Nicoletta: you know, um, since vaping THC cartridges breaks your lease, unfortunately,
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Nicoletta: that's not a good method, particularly when you're trying to go to sleep.
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Nicoletta: If the rule is you can't be in the house and you know,
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Nicoletta: you break your lease but then you walk outside, but you're trying to go to sleep.
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Nicoletta: It obviously doesn't really mesh with trying to help their self sleep.
Felice: That's what
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Felice: gummies are for
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Nicoletta: but
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Felice: right? So, so,
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Nicoletta: so in other words, again,
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Nicoletta: you know, recreational cannabis is legal.
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Nicoletta: Um medical cannabis is also available and we do know that the neuro
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Nicoletta: diverse brain
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Nicoletta: reacts and is affected by lower doses well, by lower doses of medicines,
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Nicoletta: whether they be street drugs or prescribed meds.
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Nicoletta: So,
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Nicoletta: uh it probably would be worth exploring medical marijuana
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Nicoletta: as a sleep aid through your mental health practitioner.
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Nicoletta: Luckily, we've now found a mental health practitioner that is local
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Nicoletta: and takes
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Nicoletta: and takes your freaking insurance. So,
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Nicoletta: um I mean,
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Nicoletta: that would be something to explore because obviously if
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Nicoletta: you have meds that are prescribed rather than Gummies,
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Nicoletta: that
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Nicoletta: could be, you know, one batch is stronger, one batch is milder.
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Nicoletta: It's a little bit less under some choice and
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Nicoletta: control of what you're putting into your body.
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Nicoletta: Um So, but, but, but ok, before discovering cannabis, which wasn't always legal,
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Nicoletta: uh where we live,
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Nicoletta: what did you do with insomnia or what did insomnia do for you?
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Nicoletta: So you suffered insomnia and just
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Nicoletta: had to deal with that.
Felice: Yes.
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Felice: Nothing that I tried worked. Nicoletta: Gotcha.
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Nicoletta: So when you're,
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Nicoletta: when you said you're doing laundry and you're
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Nicoletta: kind of like distracted by your thoughts,
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Nicoletta: but you don't happen to be listening to a podcast like high and stuff or music
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Nicoletta: uh to distract you.
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Nicoletta: Would you say that you have something like
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Nicoletta: intrusive thoughts that you can't get rid of?
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Felice: I used to but I don't anymore.
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Nicoletta: That's awesome. That's a really huge step forward. So
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Nicoletta: when you know,
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Nicoletta: one of the reasons some
Felice: people have intrusive
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Felice: thoughts that go along the lines of "man,
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Felice: you could totally give that person a wedgie and they wouldn't even notice"
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Felice: or
Nicoletta: I think they would notice.
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Felice: But anyway, it would be incredibly painful.
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Nicoletta: Well, I can't get behind that.
Felice: I wonder if
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Felice: a
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Felice: tyrannosaurus ever tried to take a selfie?
Nicoletta: Oh my goodness. OK. So,
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Nicoletta: so we specialize in digression. We specialize in non
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Nicoletta: sequitur here. Um And proud of it.
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Nicoletta: Um, but what I wanted to say is, you know, one of the reasons for the podcast is
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Nicoletta: the things I wish I had known when you were five or 15,
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Nicoletta: when you were five, you were low verbal, you were verbal but not as verbal as say, Felice: not
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Felice: coherent.
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Nicoletta: Well, not verbal. Like your sister was at five or even at two when you were five,
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Nicoletta: she was more verbal than you.
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Nicoletta: Uh, but at 15, I know you had a lot of intrusive thoughts and at
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Nicoletta: that time I really wished I could help you
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Nicoletta: and it was really painful to me not to be able to help you.
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Nicoletta: Not, I didn't feel like it was a shortcoming as a mom because there's really
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Nicoletta: nothing else I could have done. However,
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Nicoletta: it made me feel guilty that you had the problem,
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Nicoletta: not that I couldn't solve the problem.
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Nicoletta: It sounds like some of that has gone away.
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Nicoletta: Would you say that it's just a matter of waiting maturing,
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Nicoletta: being able to,
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Nicoletta: you know, think
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Nicoletta: more clearly about things you want to think about and
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Nicoletta: crowd out the intrusive thoughts or what, you know,
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Nicoletta: can you explain that at all or do you not know the reason?
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Felice: I don't know the reason 100%. However, I do believe that,
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Felice: you know, maturing has definitely played a role.
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Nicoletta: Yeah. Well, that's, that's great.
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Nicoletta: So, basically what we're saying to you, um,
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Nicoletta: moms and dads out there is if you're desperate to
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Nicoletta: help your kid with something that are on the spectrum.
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Nicoletta: What you're going to have to do is cope
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Felice: and try to talk with
Nicoletta: and wait
Felice: try to talk with them. Be patient
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Felice: and you will never get your answers immediately.
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Nicoletta: Mhm. Yeah. I, I actually, um,
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Nicoletta: I've noticed that sometimes, you know,
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Nicoletta: something will happen and we might discuss it like months later.
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Felice: Right?
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Felice: I mean,
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Felice: you didn't find out about me being lost in New York until I think six months after the fact.
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Nicoletta: Right. So you just casually mentioned it.
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Felice: I was like, oh, by the way, I was lost in New
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Felice: York. Nicoletta: Right. Right. Awesome.
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Nicoletta: Um So the last thing that I wanted to make sure we um,
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Nicoletta: address today is helicopter parenting.
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Nicoletta: So, you know, like all cliches,
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Nicoletta: there is a kernel of truth in it.
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Nicoletta: Um Also it's really annoying when you get called out because it's me,
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Nicoletta: I'm being called out for being a helicopter parent, you know,
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Nicoletta: I can't help it.
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Nicoletta: Ok. Well, I mean, you know, you know, but you know what the intention is, right?
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Nicoletta: It's your best interest because I love you and stuff. Felice: of course.
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Nicoletta: So, but
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Nicoletta: tell me a little bit about being on the receiving end because I think that
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Nicoletta: a lot of our listeners may be moms and dads and sometimes they are,
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Nicoletta: you know, helicoptering or attempting to help, uh, you know,
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Nicoletta: their kid through something or to do something every day.
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Nicoletta: That they find difficult. Felice: Right.
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Felice: Well, for things like socialization, especially for kids on the spectrum,
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Felice: you can't exactly teach that.
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Felice: There's no handbook on how to be a socialite.
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Felice: There is no,
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Felice: a way to teach
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Felice: something like that.
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Felice: So, it's something that your child has to figure out on their own.
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Felice: And
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Felice: unfortunately that means that,
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Felice: you know, making friends is a game without rules,
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Felice: without explicit boundaries without
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Felice: necessarily having to know everyone by name or learning
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Felice: their faces and attaching names to their faces.
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Nicoletta: Oh, I know that that's really difficult for you sometimes, but
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Felice: it's difficult for a lot of people.
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Nicoletta: Yeah.
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Nicoletta: No, I, I mean, I have trouble placing names to faces all, all the time,
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Nicoletta: but it takes me a little bit of time to get used to a new group.
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Nicoletta: Like, um, you know, when I just started grad school again, I,
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Nicoletta: I had to meet a whole new group and of course, each year we get a new
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Nicoletta: cohort coming in. But,
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Nicoletta: um, as far as the helicopter parenting,
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Nicoletta: I'm really glad that you brought up the socializing because for example,
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Nicoletta: for many years, we went to Taekwondo.
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Nicoletta: Um,
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Nicoletta: and there, you know, there was a group of people,
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Nicoletta: obviously there were some knuckleheads that decided to be bullies,
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Nicoletta: which is terrible.
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Nicoletta: But, but more or less, you know, you went to class,
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Nicoletta: you had a great memory for the choreography, you learn the forms and yes, you know,
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Nicoletta: you got your black belt.
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Nicoletta: Um
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Nicoletta: And then you got like a double black belt or something
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Nicoletta: in high school when you were 16 or something like that.
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Nicoletta: Um The thing that, that relates to helicopter mom is like,
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Nicoletta: you know,
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Nicoletta: we did a lot of trial and error
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Nicoletta: extracurriculars first before we discovered martial arts.
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Felice: I
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Felice: remember Francesca going to ballet and then
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Felice: later on I had to join and become a Ballerino.
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Nicoletta: Yeah. Well, you were awesome. But you did tap. Felice: I did tap. Nicoletta: You have really good dress.
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Felice: Yeah. Yeah, I didn't really enjoy it.
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Nicolleta: Um You're really good at it. You know, this is interesting too.
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Nicoletta: I've talked to dad about this like
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Nicoletta: you can be good at something and not like, right,
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Nicoletta: really master something and not like it and not enjoy it.
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Felice: Well, a lot of artists hate their work once it's made, which is a, a paradox in and of
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Felice: itself.
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Nicoletta: That's imposter syndrome which will address in a separate episode,
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Nicoletta: I think because it's really, really important to
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Nicoletta: people, not just artists, Felice: it's very pervasive.
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Nicoletta: Well, so, yeah, so I don't,
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Nicoletta: I'm not sure if we have an answer if we will
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Nicoletta: get an answer on how you can be really masterful at something
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Nicoletta: like choreography
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Nicoletta: but dislike the activity.
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Nicoletta: Both dance and Taekwondo have that choreography that you were very, very good at.
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Nicoletta: So
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Nicoletta: you don't like
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Nicoletta: doing it?
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Nicoletta: Is it the physical exercise or was it just a
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Nicoletta: memory of some people maybe not being friendly or even bullying you
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Nicoletta: you in either dance or taekwondo?
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Nicoletta: Ok. Ok. Good. Felice: It was more so the exercise, the physical moving around,
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Felice: I
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Felice: was easily
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Felice: exhausted.
Nicoletta: But right now, like, let's say, like, you know, you join the Y right?
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Nicoletta: So when you're at the gym, what activity, like, do you listen to a podcast and
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Nicoletta: listen to a podcast and bike or walk on the treadmill?
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Felice: That's something very slow and methodical and relaxing. Nicoletta: Yeah, I mean,
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literally, you know, we love our dogs so much and they say that to calm a hyper dog.
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Nicoletta: If you train them to walk on a leash,
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Nicoletta: that rhythm of literally walking side by side with you
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Nicoletta: gets them in a zone.
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Nicoletta: And, you know, I do believe that when I'm on the treadmill or the stationary bike,
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Nicoletta: listening to music or a podcast,
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Nicoletta: there are zones to both of those activities and they go together like you,
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Nicoletta: you're plodding along, you're getting
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Nicoletta: exercise,
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Felice: you're not exactly punishing yourself.
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Nicoletta: No, but you're listening to something that has a beginning, a middle and an end.
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Nicoletta: So you set up the time appropriately.
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Nicoletta: You say I'm going to run for, I'm gonna walk for 30 minutes.
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Nicoletta: I'm gonna bike for 20 minutes
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Nicoletta: and you set the music or podcast to that amount of time and then
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Nicoletta: you, the time goes by, but your body gets into a kind of zone that maybe
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Nicoletta: can, can help you.
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Nicoletta: You don't get exhausted, you get tired,
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Nicoletta: you get exercise and then it helps you maybe calm
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Nicoletta: your mind. Felice: Yeah.
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Felice: Decompress. Nicoletta: Yeah. So,
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Nicoletta: all right. Cool.
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Nicoletta: Well, um,
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Nicoletta: is there anything else that you wanted to try to say about being
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Nicoletta: alone or being lonely or into parts of groups or anything like that,
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Nicoletta: or should we save it for another time, or?
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Felice: I think we should save it for another time.
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Nicoletta: Ok.
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Nicoletta: That's it for us today. Bye and stuff.Description text goes here