One Step

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” The quotation is from Chapter 64 of the Tao Te Ching ascribed to Laozi, although it is also erroneously ascribed to his contemporary, Confucius.

I wouldn’t want a common quote misattributed, but the real takeaway is the concept of the single step. A step that is greater than the sum of the many steps that will follow. You decide, you show up, you seize an opportunity.

A step forward, in the right direction.

A step that is a gift you give yourself.

No one can make the decision to step forward except for you.

One step towards hope...one step towards change for the better.

The path that follows the first step is an unknown and a fresh start, but it does not start from zero. It starts from your experience thus far.

How do you break through stress and take time for respite? Please respond. I would love to hear your thoughts.

What brings you joy? What has brought you joy in the past that you would like to recapture?

I invite you to respond if you would like to schedule a strategy call. We can discuss your goals together. I could JOYn you on your path to ease in parenting. JOY: Just One You. 

Pimple part 2

I remember exactly where I was when I read that article about the pimple. I was a freshman in college, sharing a room for the first time (I am an only child). My Southern Belle roommate, bless her heart, subscribed to all the fashion magazines that made me feel I could never and would never measure up, get a boyfriend, or have a life. She is blonde and slim, I am not, and so on. I told myself that story of not measuring up for many years, despite dating and socializing with some very interesting people at the time.

99% of the articles were pure fluff---meaningless to me. In fact, I was struck by one article about “catching” a man and diets that work, including some tips that I now recognize as a glorification of dangerously disordered eating. 

I do recall thinking that one day, if I ever had a daughter (I do) I would hate to see her suffer from poor self-image and low self-esteem (she does) or, God forbid, develop an eating disorder (she is a survivor of two separate EDs that caused her to be treated as both inpatient and outpatient for a period of 4 years during her adolescence.) She is recovering and one of the strongest people you’ll ever meet.

And I was disgusted that people could be so shallow, encouraging us women to be sirens despite our misgivings about imperfections (back to the pimple) and suffer potentially irreparable damage in the name of fashion, beauty, and the sought-after “M-R-S.” to follow college.

The previous description I wrote in the previous post defines what the pimple is. Everyone has theirs, so they seldom, if ever, notice yours (so please give yourself permission to go on living your life ignoring yours, too).

It was one of the deepest, most memorable times I still recall, yes, still with goose bumps, that I actually read something useful and meaningful in one of those very magazines. My pimple...invisible to most people, but not to me. It would be up to me to change my attitude, ignore my pimple, and sally forth confidently into the world.

I am proud to say that both my daughter and I have worked hard to conquer fears and hesitation regarding anything vulnerable we do...like choosing clothes, taking selfies, writing and revising essays, posting to social media, making friends, noting online trolls, etc. 

In the end, we women of any age must lift one another up and remember our worth at all times, especially the hardest of times.

Do you envision goals that just a short time ago seemed impossible?

What brings you joy? What has brought you joy in the past that you would like to recapture?

I invite you to respond if you would like to schedule a strategy call. We can discuss your goals together. I could JOYn you on your path to ease in parenting. JOY: Just One You. 

Everyone has a Pimple

When I was in college, I read an article about overcoming self-consciousness. Decades later, the message is still on my mind.

When you have a pimple, you feel that just by going out and seeing people, you will be judged. You think the pimple ruins your appearance. Your engagements for the day are affected. You go over and over what to do --- try to cover it, reschedule your appointments; you feel mortified. In short, the appearance of your pimple seems to hijack your day.

However, if you really think about it, everyone has a pimple. Everyone gets dressed and goes out fretting over their own literal or figurative pimple --- the very thing that makes them feel self-conscious. You are not alone. 

Other people are so preoccupied with their own perceived flaws that they are very unlikely to see or remark on yours. In fact, the fretting everyone does about their own “pimple” practically guarantees that they will not notice yours. 

So go about your business despite anything that could fill you with self-doubt. 

We are so hard on ourselves. Be gentle and kind to yourself; recognize that whatever you fear is not so bad. Love is the answer; self-love is where it all begins.

What story are you telling yourself about flaws? Is it making you fret and feel self-conscious?

Is that a story being told by your subconscious, and if so is it factual? I invite you to respond. We can discuss your goals together. I could join (JOYn) you on your path. JOY: Just One You. 

What brings you joy? What has brought you joy in the past that you would like to recapture?

I invite you to respond if you would like to schedule a strategy call. We can discuss your goals together. I could JOYn you on your path to ease in parenting. JOY: Just One You. 

Get credit just for showing up. A win.

When you feel discouraged and overwhelmed, just one win can help. The feeling that one thing is going well; the hope you need to continue and cope with difficulties.

I was amazed when I read about getting credit just for showing up. Just being present? What parent isn’t already present all the time? Alert, poised, prepared?

Then I realized I could adjust my attitude and my sense of self by being aware of the significance of being there for my son.

Just being there, just showing up, is a win. When someone in your care needs help, and you deliver that help, the significance cannot be overstated.

Give yourself a touch of encouragement. A pat on the back. You did it! You are present and therefore, ASD or not, your child can thrive.

Excellent job! I mean it. 

Thank you for showing up today. You deserve credit for embarking on a difficult journey, step by step.

How do you break through stress and take time for self-care and recognition? Please respond. I would love to hear your thoughts.

What brings you joy? What brought you joy in the past that you would like to recapture?

I invite you to respond if you would like to schedule a strategy call. We can discuss your goals together. I could JOYn you on your path to ease in parenting. JOY: Just One You. 

The Three Rs

Reject the three Rs: Remorse, revenge, regret.

These three “Rs” are undeserving of your focus. Pursuing them wastes your precious time and energy. 

Do you wish you could undo things about the past? 

Wishing you could undo the past...wanting so much to get back at whoever wronged you...feeling unhinged because of something that happened, often causes a lack self-confidence and focus.  Some refer to this as living in the past. There are many ways to see how ruminating over the past can be detrimental to the present. This fretting and worry can be seen as arguing with reality, or “you can’t unring a bell.” This moment of clarity, an awareness of what to do instead, helped me thrive along with my family. 

Embrace these three Rs instead: Reset, renew, refresh. Self-love and self-care.

What do you do to renew, refresh, and recharge yourself? Are you running on empty all the time? Do you feel depleted and in need of refilling your cup so you can pour for others? If your cup is filled, you feel fulfilled. Only then can you resume duties in the care of others.

I found a wonderful stress buster: realizing that love is the answer, and that it all begins with self-love.

For me, getting familiar with yoga and meditation, giving myself love and breaks every day, and setting goals to be reached a step at a time---all these actions help keep my cup filled.

It wasn’t easy, but I committed, and the support from my coaches helped me stay on track.

What brings you joy? What has brought you joy in the past that you would like to recapture?

I invite you to respond if you would like to schedule a strategy call. We can discuss your goals together. I could JOYn you on your path to ease in parenting. JOY: Just One You.